Because of You Read online

  It’s Kyle, dressed in a black suit, a crisp white shirt, and a black tie. I melt into a puddle on the floor.

  “Don’t be a dick,” Stuart seethes.

  “I’ll be whatever the hell I want. You, on the other hand, are to be nothing more than a waiter.”

  “That girl’s a cunt. I didn’t do anything she didn’t want—”

  Kyle rams his hand into Stuarts throat. “Finish that sentence and you’re out, dipshit.”

  Stuart coughs and sputters. “Asshole. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.” He grabs at his throat and stalks away.

  “I can’t wait to talk to your lawyer, tell him about the tests you aced but didn’t study for, the side job you’ve got running, and the—”

  “Asshole!” Stuart shouts between coughs.

  “Prick.” Kyle shook his head. “Stay away from that guy. He’s messed up.”

  “I will.”

  We study each other and I imagine two assassins sizing each other up before going in for the kill, but that isn’t quite right. It’s more like a hunter sizing up his prey. Thoughts of his teeth grazing my neck, his hands exploring by body—

  “Hey,” he says, moving closer.

  I don’t respond right away.

  “Want to dance?” He’s so close I have to tilt my head to see his eyes.

  Kyle, I think, remembering the boy I used to love.

  His father killed my parents. He’s evil because his dad is evil.

  He’s a slut. A kinky slut.

  My brain snaps back to the present and I tell myself to run and run fast. But the Jell-O shots have kicked in. My veins fill with blissful indifference. I’m drowning in the balminess.

  My mind changes its tune.

  Kyle didn’t kill my parents.

  A body this beautiful cannot be evil.

  He’s a slut. A kinky slut.

  “Tell me what that means,” I blurt. My face gets hot when I realize I spoke the words aloud. I’m scalded with mortification.

  He chuckles. It’s low and sexy, meant only for me.

  “Are we talking the meaning of life or something else?” He’s smiling. His perfect lips, framing perfect teeth, attached to a perfect face.

  “Oh,” I blush hotter.

  He’s so close to me I can feel his breath on my face. Sweet. And I wonder how many shots he’s had. Whether his lips taste like lemon, or strawberry. Orange or lime. My fingers touch his lips. I’ve been waiting forever to kiss them. The succulent bottom and the soft top. I imagine they’ll feel like a pillow, or a cloud.

  Hell has beautiful scenery, I think, my body moving up, placing me on a collision course with his lips.

  “You never called,” he says, interrupting my drunken haze.

  I pull back. “Um, yeah, sorry. I don’t have a phone.”

  His fingers are touching my arms, scorching a trail. “Do you want to get out of here?”

  “With you?” I ask, unable to tear my eyes from his face. My hands are on his chest. I’m not sure when I put them there, but they feel like they’re in exactly the right place.

  He chuckles again. “You’re new to all of this, aren’t you?” His eyes roam around the room.

  “It is that obvious?” My words are slurred.

  “Come on,” he says, wrapping an arm around my waist. My mind tries to panic. This is not a good idea, it screams. I ignore it. My body wants to be near Kyle. Touch him. Embrace him.

  Kyle

  addie is so drunk I have to carry her to my Jeep. She keeps touching me, almost like she’s trying to make sure I’m real. It’s sweet and I can’t help but feel protective of her.

  She also is mumbling, but it’s incoherent.

  If I didn’t care about her, I’d be completely turned on.

  I buckle her in and drive. Her dress is hiked up to her hips, revealing way too much. Or not enough. I try to be respectful, but the girl is stunning. Every magnificent inch of her.

  “Where are you taking me?” she mutters, her head flopping from side to side.

  “My place,” I answer, and put a hand in hers.

  She tightens her fingers around mine, places her other hand on top. “I’ve missed you Kyle. I’ve missed home. I miss my mom and dad. Member when I was going to marry you?”

  The last part makes no sense. Marry me? I don’t recall that conversation. But the idea that she ever considered her and me together in that way does something to my insides. I’ll be damned if I don’t melt a little.

  “Shot. Blood everywhere.” Tears fall to her cheeks as she babbles.

  “I’m so sorry.” I can’t even feel sorry for myself, or mad at her for the way she’s completely ignored me the last seven years.

  There’s so much pain rolling off her I can feel it as if it were my own. And I realize she’s as broken as I am.

  She laughs, and I’m surprised until I understand why. There’s a guy standing on the curb, peeing into the street. “Gross,” she says.

  I chuckle. “Hold tight.” I place my arm across her body, protecting her. Make a right and pull into my apartment complex.

  “You live here?” she asks when I open the door on her side.

  “Yep.” I unbuckle her, and she falls against me, her cheek on my chest.

  “You smell good. Mmmmmm. Kyle. Kyle. Kyle.” Her voice breaks, and I realize she’s crying again. “Why?”

  “Can you walk?” I ask, clearing my throat. I haven’t shed a tear since my dad died, and even then it was out of relief. A little sadness too, for what could’ve been. But seeing her cry, recognizing all of the sadness in her, is choking me up.

  Maddie wraps her arms around my neck. “I left without saying good-bye. I shouldn’t have done that. But you stopped calling.”

  I want to tell her my dad made me. Instead I lift her into my arms. “Hang on.”

  She weighs next to nothing. Her body settles into my arms. Her head lying against my shoulder. She snuggles her face into my neck, and I feel the wetness of her tears. Every ounce of resentment I still harbored vanishes.

  My apartment is at the top of the stairs. When I reach the landing I set her down so I can unlock the door. She keeps her arms around my neck.

  Evan walks out of his apartment, a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. “Looks like you got your hands full, bro. Want some help?”

  “Nah, it’s all good.” I lift Maddie into my arms and carry her into my apartment, shutting the door with my foot. At least I think it’s going to shut.

  “What’s her name?” Evan asks from behind.

  “It’s Maddie,” I say, annoyed he’s followed me in.

  “The bitch will break your heart all over again. I thought you were going to blow her off.”

  “Get out,” I growl, annoyed.

  Maddie takes a deep breath and sighs; her lips press against my neck. There are so many things I want to do to her right now. Instead I carry her into my room and lay her on my bed.

  “Whoa, she tramped it up tonight. No more Pudgy Mudgy, huh? Look at those legs. And that ass.” He drops the butt of his cigarette into his beer bottle. His eyes rake over Maddie’s body. It’s obvious he’s on something else as well.

  “I’ve asked you nicely once. Don’t make me ask again.”

  I walk out of my room and into the kitchen. Grab a beer. Twist off the top. Evan follows me. Sets his empty bottle on the counter and grabs himself a new one from my fridge. He’s shorter and less broad than I am. He’s also a senior and a two-time kickboxing champion.

  I push him toward the door. “Move.”

  Evan lifts an eyebrow, daring me to challenge him. “You gonna break your hand on my face again, cousin?”

  “If I have to,” I say, thinking about the last time we fought.

  It was in the ring, right after my dad died. Sure, I broke my hand, but I also broke his nose. He may have two championship trophies, but I have three.

  “Leave.”

  Evan smirks. “I don’t think so. This is too much fun
.” He takes a pull on his beer.

  I swear silently and try another tactic. “Look, man. I want to be alone with her.” I smile, letting him believe I have less than honorable intentions. “We have a lot of catching up to do, if you know what I mean.”

  He smacks me on the arm. “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” He peeks around my shoulder. “Damn, she’s fine. Mind if I have a turn when you’re through?”

  It takes every ounce of self-discipline I own not to haul off and kick his ass. But I want him gone. “We’ll see,” I respond.

  He ruffles my hair. “Have fun, little bro. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  I snort and smack his hand away. “Oh, I’m sure I will.” I walk him to the front door.

  When it’s closed, I lock it. “Asshole.”

  I can’t help but smile though. Since my father died he’s treated me more like a brother than a cousin. But Evan’s got no respect for women—for anyone, really. Most times I go along with Evan’s shenanigans, but when it came to Maddie I won’t give even a little. With her, it’s different. It always has been.

  I’m about to walk into my room when I hear shouting coming from outside. I want to ignore it and I decide to when something slams against my door.

  “Dammit Evan,” I grumble and pull open the door.

  Some guy I’ve seen before but don’t know is crumpled on the ground.

  “Get up.” I kick him slightly.

  He groans, but he isn’t going anywhere. He’s out cold.

  Evan is at the bottom of the stairs. A couple of guys stand in front of him. One of the guys says, “Manny wants his money yesterday.”

  “I’ll have it tomorrow. I told him that when I saw him earlier today.” Evan lights up another cigarette and blows it into the guy’s face.

  “Sure. Of course. But Manny wanted us to stop by and make sure you know he’s serious. If he doesn’t get the money tomorrow he’s going to your father. And we both know you don’t want that.”

  Evan clears his throat.

  I know my cousin is into some shady shit, but he’s obviously gone way over his head. And my uncle? What did he know about it? I doubt he’d be involved, but the guy made it seem like he was.

  The guy not talking to Evan walks over to the stairs and looks up at me, giving me his full attention. “Whatchu looking at, punk? Get back inside and mind your business.”

  I’m half tempted to listen. Turn around and disappear inside my apartment. Evan got himself into trouble, he should be the one to get himself out. But that isn’t in me. I can’t leave him alone to deal with these guys. “Why don’t you and your friend do us all a favor and get out of here?”

  The guy smiles, an vile grin that shows off his gold front teeth. “How about I break your hands first, piano boy?”

  I glance down at Evan. The guy has me at a disadvantage. He knows who I am.

  “I can’t believe he’s part of your family,” Golden-Teeth says to Evan. “Your uncle must be so proud.”

  The guy snorts. “What a pussy.”

  Evan chuckles, giving me a barely there nod. It’s his non-verbal way of telling me to stay chill.

  I’m not feeling that though. It’s time to kick this guy’s ass.

  “Why don’t you say that to my face,” I say, heading down the stairs.

  Golden-Teeth rolls his eyes. “Puss—”

  Before he finishes, I send my fist into the guy’s face. I’ll show him who’s the pussy.

  Maddie

  ’m not sure how we get to his room. My vision is blurry. I think four Jell-O shots were two too many. My stomach is in knots, rebelling against the sugar and the alcohol swimming inside. A moan escapes my throat.

  “How you feeling?”

  My head snaps in his direction. “Kyle,” I whisper.

  The room spins, and he helps me sit up.

  “Give me your feet, I’ll help you with your shoes.” His voice is tender. Smooth, like chinchilla fur, and I think about stroking him.

  Instead I focus. He wants to help me take off my shoes. And I realize my feet are killing me. There are probably a thousand blisters.

  “Please.” I lay down.

  The pillow smells like him. It’s earthy, manly, with a hint of vanilla. I take a deep breath through my nose.

  He unhooks my shoes, slips them off. “These are deadly.” He chuckles.

  “They’re Gina’s.” I close my eyes, but the blackness spins faster. “Whoa.”

  “Hang on.”

  I hear him move away, and I miss him. Water runs in the background. He returns quickly.

  My eyes peel open. “You’re back.”

  My hands find his arms. He helps me up.

  “Take these.” He hands me a plastic cup and two white pills.

  “What are they?” I try to gauge his facial expressions. “You aren’t trying to drug me, are you?”

  He kneels so I can see his face without looking up. “I wouldn’t do that.”

  I focus on his eyes and sigh. They’re such a strange shade of blue. Like the way ice looks at sunset.

  “Why don’t you know who I am?” I slide off the bed, onto his knees.

  He catches me, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me against him. My dress is around my waist but I can’t make myself care to fix it. His body feels so good, and I promise myself that I’ll stay here forever.

  Kyle shakes his head. There’s something in his expression. Like he’s trying to make a decision. His movement spins my head on a merry-go-round.

  “It’s been too long.” He pushes some hair off my shoulder, sending tingles over my skin. His hands are so tender, and I can’t help but imagine them everywhere. Against my hip, dragging along my thighs.

  I shudder. “Kyle.” I close my eyes, tilting my face toward his. “Kiss me. I’ve waited so long.”

  He inhales. Touches my lips with his fingers. “When I kiss you, I want you sober enough to remember it.”

  “My first,” I say and giggle. “You’ll be my first. We made a pact.”

  He lifts me onto the bed. I feel a blanket cover me, and I want to be sad. I’m no longer in his arms. But I can’t keep my eyes open. Too tired to be mad at myself.

  This doesn’t seem very kinky. It’s more heavenly.

  Kyle

  My heart’s pounding, and I’m at a loss. Maddie is here, in my bed. Her hair lies across her face like a silk scarf. Her hands are tucked under her cheek. She mentioned the pact we made. A long time ago. When we barely understood what we were promising each other.

  “Why is my dad such an asshole?” I wipe angry tears off my face. Stare up at my boring white ceiling. Watch the light flicker. The bulb’s been about to die for weeks.

  Maddie shuts my window and plops next to me on my bed. “I watched him leave. He seemed…um, grouchy.”

  I snort. Rub my jaw in the spot where my dad hit me. “That’s an understatement.” But that’s Maddie. Always kind. Always tries to see the best in people. Including me.

  She pats my stomach, and I tingle. Maddie has a way of making me feel better, no matter what’s happening. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I shrug. Push the pillow behind my head into a ball and lean against it. “But what can I do?”

  She rifles around in her bag, pulls out an ice pack, and hands it to me.

  I’m sure shock is the expression plastered across my face. How does she always know exactly what I need? I press the cool pack against my jaw, and sigh. It feels good. “Thanks.”

  “Wanna listen to my new CD?”

  I smile. Because despite my ass-of-a-father, being around Maddie makes it impossible to be sad. “If it’s a song about bringing sexy back, Freckles, I swear I’ll snap it in half.” I laugh, and she smacks me on the arm with the case.

  “Rude! I guess I’ll put it away.” She goes to stuff it back in her bag, and I grab it from her hands.

  “The Fray?” I ask, looking at it while holding it above her head so sh
e can’t reach it.

  “Give it back.” She giggles. One of my favorite sounds.

  I stand on the bed, holding the CD out of her reach. She stands too. Tries to get it back. Her hands pulling on my arm as we jump. She trips in the covers and falls into me. We both go down, and she ends up on top of me. Our faces are inches apart.

  “Give it,” she says again, her voice quiet.

  I can feel her heart beating rapidly against my chest.

  “Kiss me first,” I say.

  Her gaze takes in my lips. Focuses on my eyes. I’m mesmerized by the way her features change so I can almost always tell what she’s thinking. Like right now she’s thoughtful. And as excited about what’s happening between us as I am.

  “Like on the mouth?” she asks. A finger absently strokes her bottom lip.

  I grab the finger and kiss it. “Yeah.”

  It seems like a perfectly natural thing. She’s my best friend. The person I care about most in this world. Kissing her would be awesome.

  Her eyes find my lips again. “Um,” she says, climbing off me and the bed.

  I sit up, waiting for her response. Hand her the CD. She walks to the player, puts the disc in. Turns up the volume. When she turns back, she’s smiling.

  “I—okay,” she says, tucking her hands in her back pockets.

  “Let’s make a pact.”

  The music blares from the speakers. Maddie sits next to me. “What? Like a kissing pact?”

  Love is an emotion I’m not familiar with, but as I watch Maddie’s eyes, the way her cheeks scrunch when she smiles, I think that’s what I feel for her. But I’d never tell her that. It’s uncool. Unmanly.

  “Kissing.” I pause, considering how I want to say what I want to say. “Everything. We’ll be each other’s first. At it all. We can practice, get really good. You know, for when we’re older.”

  She squashes her eyes shut, then nods. “Okay.”

  “Repeat after me.” Maddie opens her eyes. Smiles. “Ready?”

  She nods.

  “I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley. Including, but not limited to…” I trail off, and wait for her to copy my words.

  “I, Maddie Martin, swear to save all my firsts for Kyle Hadley.” My breath hitches when she says my name.